Today is the inter-house dressage competition. As we all know, dressage isn’t really my cup of tea. Apart from the fact I’m still maintaining that I can’t canter on the right rein ‘because of my leg’, everyone seems to take the dressage competitions so seriously so it’s much more fun laughing over the fence at the riders in the warm up. In honour of the dressage competition, I thought I better go round and get everyone’s best tips for a perfect dressage test.
Bailey – ‘If you charge down the centre line like a herd of elephants, you can see the judge’s face getting more and more panicked, it’s so funny. On the last centre line, I do the biggest trot I can and then screech to a stop in front of them with only a couple of inches to spare’
Ozzie – ‘I try and hold all my poos in until they ring the bell and then choose the most awkward moment of the test to stop and go to the toilet. It’s usually best if you do it just before the canter section, then the whole test gets messed up’
Granville – ‘Dressage is all about the Scales of Training. You should have rhythm, suppleness, connection, impulsion, straightness and the ability to collect. It’s a very serious matter and not something that should be joked about’
Beanie – ‘My favourite thing to do in a dressage test is be perfectly behaved but painfully slow. Then no-one can tell you off but you don’t have to work too hard. Also, going on the wrong leg into canter always throws them off’
Fred – ‘The trick is: if you lean on the bit and start to go faster and faster throughout the test, by the time you get the canter bits, you can go really quickly and no-one can pull you up’
Pablo – ‘I always get half through the test and get bored. Dressage is so boring’
Duke – ‘On the test sheets, it tells you how long each test should take (it’s usually about four and a half minutes). My aim is always to take off at least two minutes of that time and try to break a land speed record whilst doing all the fancy moves’
Alf – ‘I don’t think I’m very good at dressage. Sometimes I get half through a circle and forget where I’m going so I end up in the wrong direction’
We are all frantically checking our diaries to find out when the next jumping show is – that is so much more exciting than doing twenty metre circles (apart from if you are called Granville). Apparently we are going to be releasing some dates for unaffiliated shows for our clients and people who come from ‘outside’. This is a fabulous opportunity for me: it’s a great way for me to meet more fans and increase my celebrity status in the local area.
Until next time,
Flitwick